The Approved Certificate in Advanced Mandolin Disporting

Ah, right.

So, if you could just hold this mandolin in the officially sanctioned manner, then we’ll get around to it shortly.

Of course, there are a relatively small number of Health and Safety forms you must complete before you are allowed past the gate. Especially if you have not received the correct training, nor do you have the approved certificate in advanced mandolin disporting.

Those within the acceptable range of diversity criteria mandated for the current level of public mandolin disporting should have an up-to-date certificate of competence. Then – in the fullness of time – there should be no reason whatsoever for the officials at the gate to take any request to go out in public with a mandolin into consideration.

This current government merely took over from where the last Laborg government got up to. They decided the only way they could avoid getting the blame for anything was to make more or less everything illegal – at least in public. As well as keeping a close eye on what everyone gets up to in private, of course.

Consequently, there has been a remarkable drop in unfortunate mandolin incidents out in the public areas of this country. This is hardly surprising, as some (now-silenced) critics said at the time, since it is now almost impossible for anyone to get the necessary paperwork completed in time before the shops shut. Providing the necessary minimum number of shop staff have themselves managed to get through the checkpoints at all the road junctions between their homes and their place of work without incident, that is.

However, much to these critic’s surprise the government has produced figures to show the current restrictions on what used to be - rather quaintly – regarded as individual rights and freedoms has produced an economic boom. Especially in the delivery services and – of course – in the record number of security staff and the bureaucratic backup necessary for them to function.

The supine acquiescence of the population in general has surprised the critics too. Most of whom seem quite happy to forgo the hassle of acquiring the necessary paperwork that would enable them to venture outside in safety. However, some say this general support for the policy could collapse if the government fail to live up to their promise of making sure there is something good on the telly at least once per evening viewing schedule.

 

[Books by David Hadley are available here (UK) or here (US)]