There it was, resplendent in front of us; as big and as purple as the biggest – and purplest – thing in the known universe... and Luton. Of course, it amazed us all – shocked and amazed us – but that didn't stop us walking up to it.
There were some amongst the crowd who wanted to touch it. In fact, I suppose, deep down we all wanted to touch it. There is, it seems, some deep instinct within all humanity to want to touch something so big and so purple, especially when it throbs... throbs with some need, some desire, for someone to touch it.
It was purple.
Purple is such a purple colour too.
And it was big....
And throbbing....
I know what you are thinking....
Yes, it was.
Right away the world's governments realised they had no options and couldn’t wiggle their way out of their primary duty of protecting their citizens, not this time. This meant the question on everyone's mind was: what kind of alien civilisation would need a marital aid, a sex aid, a vibrator, this size?
And what would they do to us when they – as they surely must –
Those that had actually read Gulliver's Travels and, especially that bit with Gulliver and the giant women, were either very worried or... in some cases, very excited... at the prospect of these giant women with their obviously oversized appetites landing on our planet.
The environmentalists, of course, worried about the size of the batteries it needed and where they would be dumped when exhausted. Others wondered whether the Earth had enough generating capacity if it needed rechargeable batteries, while others – mainly those concerned with flood defences – wondered just how orgasmic these alien beings could be.
Others hoped it was just some sort of alien advertising stunt that had gone wrong.
While the rest of us just watched the skies and waited....
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