Ground-Breaking TV

Obviously we were all as excited as the constantly-repeated trailers told us we should be. After all, that great bastion of smug metropolitan self-indulgence, the BBC, had told us how much it had all cost, how ground-breaking it was, how inclusive and affirming it was and – most importantly of all – how many celebrities we’d never heard of would be joining the programme, or, rather, cultural event, in order for us to share in their wit, wisdom and erudite incisiveness as well as bask in the reflected glow of the aura of fame and stardom.

So, there we all were – the whole nation as media columnists like to claim (although, in reality hardly enough to claim status as a minority) - waiting with eager anticipation for what the trailers had proclaimed would be the event of the decade, easily eclipsing such run of the mill events as the Olympics, Queen’s Jubilee, Euro 2012, the All-Nude Mastermind Final and all the other events that were all supposedly outdoing each other for our attention.

As the pre-programme announcement said, it was to be a live 3-hour special on each evening for the next seven months. It was appointment TV at its best, the finest that greatest of all self-proclaimed greats in broadcasting, the BBC could do to give theist loyal viewers the televisual experience they all hoped, prayed and desired to see. It would be the TV event that would define a generation and spawn countless imitators as well as become the one TV event that would become essential for any future cultural history of this – our – time.

We sat, eager, and awaited….

Then it came…

The opening credits of Celebrity Paint Watch Live. The revolutionary programme, live every evening where we the ordinary viewing public get to sit with a celebrity presenter as we watch a wall and thrill to see – there live and right in front of our eyes - the paint drying on that wall while the celebrity does what all celebrities do best – tell us all about themselves.

As the critics all agreed later, it was the best night’s TV anyone could ever remember and well worth the three hours a day – every day – out of people’s lives it took to watch.