Then the moment came and we had no choice but to stare at our eggcups with the eyes of those who have loved and lost. Then, after we’d given those poor unfortunates their eyes back and added the eggcups to the washing up heap, we strode off out into the world, ready to do battle.
However, the battle had been cancelled due to some unforeseen Health and Safety concerns about how dangerous lethal weaponry could be in such a situation. So, instead of doing battle for control of the realm, fate, the forces of history and doing over those arrogant tossers from the Far Lands, we went shopping instead.
However, shopping in full battle armour is not quite the life-informingly joyous occasion that the TV adverts would have us believe, especially if you have trouble fitting your war chariot in a parking space and your blood-thirsty hordes of warriors can’t decide whether or not to go for a cup of tea and a cake before beginning their retail experience rampage or whether it would make sense to have a break partway through, giving everyone in the army a chance to review their purchases or decide if they wanted to go back to the specialist retailer for that halberd after all, even though it was not quite the right colour and the balance was not ideal.
Anyway, I managed to pick up a very cheap battle-axe in the sales, so in future I will not have anywhere near as much trouble slicing the top off my breakfast boiled egg again, at least judging by the way that sales assistant’s head bounced down the aisle in the shop when he asked me if I wanted to test my new purchase.
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