In a speech yelled from behind the curtain at a open window in an upstairs room at 10 Downing Street, a defiant Gordon Brown refused to accept defeat in yesterday’s General Election, saying:
It is obvious from this result that the UK population doesn’t have the necessary understanding of how elections work for this result to be taken seriously. It is obvious that no-one really wants to choose the Evil Tories, so I can only conclude that everyone really wants me to carry on as PM, in order to save this country, just like when I saved the world from economic collapse.
Furthermore, when I promised that I would listen to the will of the electorate I had my fingers crossed behind my back, so, obviously, this election result doesn’t count and I can carry on as if it never happened.
It is vital that in these troubled times – which all began in America, and had nothing at all to do with me… honest – that continuity in government is maintained….
Listen… I have a whole stockpile of Nokias here, and I’m not afraid to use them!
So I’m not coming out…. Ever!
So there!
And you can fuck off away from me with those bastard microphones too!
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