The World’s Leading Professional Celebrity Trend Co-Ordinator

Shotput Covalent is probably the world’s leading professional celebrity trend co-ordinator. For those of us – obviously with far too much time on our hands – who have ever wondered how it is that certain celebrities seem to all flock together around certain events, happenings, fashionable charitable causes, sudden natural disasters and so on, this can all be understood by explaining Covalent’s essential role in the lives of celebrities.

Covalent’s job - or as he likes to see it, his noble calling – is to scour the millions of Press Releases issued each day, along with all the news events from around the world – especially those picturesque places with suffering natives that can serve as a back drop to the caring concern a celebrity wishes to project, and a thousand and one other such events, happenings and so forth.

It could be anything from an unknown struggling artist about to open their first show in some quaint backwater that would look good in a magazine spread, the latest in the most unwearable fashions to the latest African famine or Asian earthquake where there are thousands of small starving children desperate to be handed a bowl of rice by someone famous as the frantically strobing camera flashes almost blind them.

It is this ability to notice the latest natural disaster that Covalent regards as the most important part of his job. Wherever and whatever the disaster, Covalent sees that it is vital role to be the first to notice the catastrophe, and then be the first to get his client celebrities and the necessary camera crews, journalists, media advisers PR people, trilobite arrangement artists, masseurs, fluffers, toast-makers, make-up artists, hat appreciators, wardrobe consultants and so forth on to the very first planes out to the disaster area, in order to select the best of the most devastated backdrops and the pick of the cute but bewildered or starving wide-eyed children for his specially-selected celebrity to patronise, before the aid workers get there and spoil it all by attempting to make it better.