Britain’s Most Shaggable Trollop Award

Emblem Cleavagevoid was yesterday voted – for the 38^th year running – Britain’s Most Shaggable Trollop in the latest readers’ poll for the UK’s top Lad’s Mag Stonker. Cleavagevoid who whilst still (a claimed) 21 (and a bit), said she was:

Like, quite delighted that I still give those young blokes who read… er… look at the pictures in the quality wank mags such stonking great stiffies!

Although rumoured to actually be older than Cliff Richard’s grandmother, Cleavagevoid’s extensive plastic surgery has meant that she has not seemed to age a day since she first shot to fame playing a naked corpse in one of the first grittily realistic TV detective dramas shown on colour TV in the late 1960s. From then she became a regular topless ‘Page 3 Girl’ in several of the country’s best selling tabloids, and – for a while – was seen as the wife or girlfriend of whichever First Division footballer was destined to be that year’s Player Of The Year.

Of course, as was de-rigueur at the time, she then stared in several low budget soft-porn ‘Sex Comedies’, such as the now-infamous Confessions Of A Wainscoting Aligner, where she played a bored sexually-frustrated housewife with a severely drooping damp-damaged area of wainscoting that the eponymous aligner came to fix.

After that she became a regular fixture as the barmaid, Gladys, in the short-lived BBC soap opera: Floaters, which was set in the exotic location of Tipton’s Public Baths and Swimming Pool, where she had a series of extra marital affairs with the lifeguards, pool cleaners and several of Tipton’s hedonistic jet setting millionaire playboys.

Now married to her 157^th husband and living a quiet life in one of the most exclusive areas of Los Angeles, Emblem Cleavagevoid has proved that she still has what it takes to make the male underpants of this world suddenly become excessively tight.