Politicians Achieve Self-Awareness

After the revelation that government ministers themselves realise they are less than useless, there have been calls for a reform of the complete political and governmental system in the UK.

As one political journalist admitted:

We can no longer dump all our useless, waste of space idiots into politics any more. Frankly, the modern world is just too difficult for them to cope with. We have discovered under the current government that the old saying ‘Politics is show business for ugly people’ is not true. These people do – somehow – end up being given serious powers to totally fuck up the lives of the rest of us. If we don’t soon stop ignoring them, and keep on letting them just get on with it, soon there will be nothing left to make life worthwhile that they haven’t taxed, made illegal or regulated to death.

[A potential MP attending a constituency selection meeting]

A professor of politics at Oxford University (yes, the real one, not an ex-polytechnic), said:

The problem is that quite simply no-one with any real intelligence or any sense would go into politics in the first place. Having said that, though, the political parties do have it all sown up. They aren’t going to select anyone who could make the rest of them look even bigger mendacious fools than they actually are. They only want candidates who are as dull, tedious, and bland - if albeit slightly sinister - as they are.

The only real solution is to make sure we prevent anyone who wants to go into politics from going into politics in the first place. I mean, look at William Hague, reading political speeches at an age when he should have been wanking himself into exhaustion over the lingerie section in his mother’s mail order catalogue. It simply isn’t natural.

Quite simply, we – as a nation – are going to have to stop seeing government and politics as occupational therapy for society’s misfits or we are never gong to get this country out of the mess it is in.