Early yesterday afternoon, career criminal Splice Defoliant was convicted - at Hull County Court - of First Degree Semi-Indifferent Sheep Estrangement. He will, consequently, serve the minimum term of twenty years in prison, slightly reduced to a maximum of twelve weeks, as the judge revealed, Defoliant was eligible for time off his sentence for good behaviour, a nice suit and - somewhat controversially - in the Judge's opinion, having quite a nice bottom.
The scourge of Semi-Indifferent Sheep Estrangement has been running amok and unchecked throughout this land for a long time now. Consequently, such a harsh sentence will send out a strong signal that the justice system - and decent law-abiding people - in this country will no longer stand idly by while these miscreants deliberately - and with malice aforethought - estrange some of our finest semi-indifferent sheep.
This judgement, does go to show that the justice system in this great country of ours is in close touch with the mood of the media, and will not ignore the shrill tabloid clamour for 'something to be done' no matter how opportune or ill-judged.
As the current, previous, or next, Home Secretary, Kneejerk Populist, said recently:
For too long now, too many of our laws have been based on the frankly old-fashioned and outdated notions of fairness and justice. But, we are now in this modern age of 24-hour instant media, who are using increasingly shrill attempts to capture the attention of a fickle and shallow consumer base. So, what is needed is a justice system that can respond instantly to whatever is the current folk-devil, moral panic, media whipped-up storm, faux-outrage or sales-led cynical media campaign, as swiftly, and as arbitrarily ill-judged, as possible. For, as long as the public is under the illusion that 'something is being done', no matter how cosmetically ineffectual, or half-arsedly inept, then I can rest assured that my job is still safe.
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