Now is not the time to stand aghast in your local dolphinarium, especially if you have been stunned into immobility by an interlocutor with all the perspicacity of a wiper blade and the intellect of an educationally-challenged daffodil bulb. For we may be about to enter upon a new age of wonderment and intellectual fulfilment the like of which this planet has not seen since before the days of classical civilisation, or at least black and white telly.
Now, you would be right to question the veracity of my claim, merely by wandering down your local High Street on any day of the week. There witnessing the legions of moorlocks that gather there to gawp at the shiny things and to paw at their mobile phones with all the dexterity of thumbless simpletons attempting to open a greasy Cheese Quavers packet in the rain.
However, I while not gainsaying your scepticism, will however, point out that even though the world seems at times to be o’er brimmed with the less than endearing and their tendency towards dribbling incomprehension, there is – and there always will – in this the best of all possible worlds, toast aplenty and a myriad of marmalades.
As we know, marmalade exists in order to turn that which is merely miraculous – the buttered toast – into that which surpasses all of mankind’s arts, sciences, philosophies and ladies in the scantiest of possible underwear doing naughty things to each other… possibly in a bubble-filled bath.
So, do not despair, arm yourself with bread , butter and the finest of you marmalades and venture forth into salvation.
Oh, and while I you are in the kitchen, put the kettle on for a cup of tea, would you?
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