The government has today announced a new head of the University Average Access Body, a quango set up by the government to prevent anyone with any academic ability getting to university. Most MPs of all parties welcomed the move. As a political commentator said on hearing news of the appointment:
MPs, of course, cannot understand the concept of anyone getting any position, including a place at a university, based on ability, rather than just ticking all the right PR boxes. After all, most of them realize they wouldn’t be allowed within 500 miles of being an MP if we chose them on ability to do the job rather than their talent for wearing the right coloured rosette, smiling indulgently at political weirdoes and saying and doing what they are told.
MPs are concerned that the university sector is not dumbing-down as fast as the rest of the education sector, and that consequently the country could miss its target of everyone in Britain having a First-Class Honours degree by the middle of the 21st Century.
Politicians and educationalist believe that if not enough people of average or lower ability are not awarded top-class degrees, then society will remain unfair. For example, those whose, say, knowledge of history goes back further than what happened last week on Eastenders, or know what E=MC2 actually means, or know how to count beyond ten without taking their socks off, will, MPs believe, have an unfair advantage in the workplace.
Some Conservative MPs oppose these changes. However, the coalition business secretary Vince Cable, responsible for making this appointment, has promised to meet then around the back of the Houses of Parliament later today, where he will explain the advantages of his choice with the aid of his favourite ‘parliamentary debate’ baseball bat.
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