Then, as you are no doubt aware, it all began. This was a bit of a surprise as we were not expecting her to be ready before Wednesday at the earliest. But then she is one of those people who like to prepare for a night out… sometimes up to several weeks in advance. Even then, she sometimes forgets to load the shotgun and we discover there is very little left on the ammunition shelf. Then we have to have a last-minute rush to the late-night supermarket…. When we get there, there is always a two for the price of one offer on the hand grenades or extra loyalty points on surface-to-air missiles, or a new shade of night camouflage she just has to try.
Then, once we get out of the supermarket, we have to pack the shopping away in the armoured personnel carrier. By then we are already late for the battle and we have missed the early air strikes….
And, of course, it is all my fault… somehow….
So, by the time we get to our forward position, everyone else is already in their forward position. So, we have to spend what seems like ages on small talk, and the women complimenting one another on what they’ve done with their battledress, and so on, and how the kids are doing at the military academy. So, by the time we get into attack position the advance is already late. Or, if we are defending that evening, our forward positions are already overrun – and you know what that can do to property prices. That is another perennial topic of conversation in every battle; about how even the most superficial battle-damage can knock significant sums off the valuation. Still wars are never won without sacrifice, and if someone looses a few thousand off the asking price of a semi-detached… well, that is war.
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