Now is Not the Time

Of course, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. After all, the human understanding of time hasn’t changed that much over the eons. Even after introducing more accurate timepieces and the chance to use clocks that are accurate down to fractions of a second, people still turn up at the most inconvenient times. It is still possible for someone to be late, or not to turn up at all, despite the accuracy and almost ubiquity of time-telling devices.

Consequently, certain physicists have begun to realise that time is not quite as rigid a concept as was previously presumed to be the case. Time itself is not really all that accurate and modern clocks are now more accurate than time itself.

Many of us are familiar with this problem with the nature of time. In the past it was assumed that when something that was meant to last longer is over in a fraction of the time, many people blamed subjective experience, while most of the women it happened to, blamed the man.

However, recent discoveries show it is time itself that expands and contracts depending on quantum fluctuations in the fabric of reality, mainly to do with what has become known as the Buggering-About Constant. This is a number that – despite its name – changes with pseudo-random occurrences, mainly dependent on just how many people are depending on a certain amount of time to last for that actual amount of time.

Just like in the quantum world where a the act of observation can change that event’s outcome, depending on a period of time to last for a certain amount of time can actually change that time period. Thus, things meant to last - say – several minutes can be over before she has even undressed properly. A train to arrive any time with a half-hour period both before and after it is due, depending upon just how many people are depending on it arriving on time.

Physicists are only now – mainly because of the uncertain nature of time in respect of applying for research funding – getting to grips with this new understanding the nature of time. Consequently, if there are any new discoveries made in this field they will be published here first, possibly sometime last week.