Spring is in the Air

I was walking down the path in the woods. It was a fine spring morning, the sun was shining, the birds were singing... and the badger spoke.

'Er... excuse me?'

I looked down, somewhat apprehensive about conversing with a badger. 'Er... yes?'

A talking badger... and wearing a police uniform.

'Are you thinking of going down that path?' The police badger pointed with his snout.

'Er... yes... officer... why?'

'What?' The badger looked down at himself. 'Oh, I'm not a policema... police badge... police officer. Don't worry about that.'

'Then why?' I made a gesture towards his uniform.

The badger winked. 'Some of the female badgers they like a male in uniform... know what I mean?'

'Er....' I nodded.

'That's why I was asking, like.' The badger nudged up to me conspiratorially. 'Only today you know its the woodland mammals' special day.'

'What?'

'Well, you're a human of the world. You know what us animals get up to in the spring... don't you?'

'What you mean....' I tried to think of a gesture all-encompassing enough and gave up. I raised my eyebrows instead. 'You mean... the mating season.'

'Hang on,' the badger said, taking a step back. 'There's no need for language like that.’ He straightened his police uniform. 'Bit crude, but you get the idea.' He nodded down the path. 'Only it is all happening down there... y'know... in the clearing?'

'Oh, right,' I said, not really knowing what to do.

'Only you're not one of those naturalists are you?' The badger eyed me suspiciously.

'Oh, no....'

'Good... perverts I call 'em, always turning up when you and the missus fancy a bit of the old continuation of the species. There's something not right about them, if you ask me. Too much time on their paws, probably.'

'Anyway,' I said. 'I'll probably go the other way then.' I turned.

The badger nodded and set off down the path himself. 'Mind how you go,' he said, rounding the bend.