Apart From the Camel

However, it is probably for the best if we pack it all away now and pretend that it didn't happen. Then, once we have removed the tell-tale lemon meringue stains from the eiderdown we can go about our business as normal... apart from the camel, of course.

It is always difficult trying to spice up what has become a routine love-life, especially when the watermelons are out of season and the Assistant Retail-Manageress uniform is still at the cleaners as they try to remove the raspberry yoghurt stains from the elbows.... yet again.

It is even more awkward trying to get a somewhat reluctant camel up the stairs, especially in a typical modern three-bedroom semi-detached - where the walls are not quite as soundproof as one would wish - especially while wearing fetish wellies that make the camel somewhat more nervous than would be the case with... say... a sheep, but I digress.

Still, though, once the camel was upstairs and we’d found some flippers that fitted it, it did lend proceedings that certain... erotic charge that has been missing from our intimate encounters of late, especially when the wife reached up, wearing only her leather Yeoman of the Guard outfit, to reach down the Monopoly board from off the top of the wardrobe and I began to shake the dice in readiness.

It did, though, turn out all right in the end, Although – and I have since Googled it for confirmation – as far as I'm, aware it was the first time in recorded history that a camel has, so convincingly, won a game of Strip Monopoly.