Her New Man

‘Go on, tell me,’ Carolyn said.

‘He’s perfect.’ Helen grinned.

‘Come on….’

‘No, listen… he’s a writer, so obviously he is great in bed. All writers are…. It’s a well-known fact.’

‘Is that true? I mean… about writers?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘Oh.’

‘Not only that, because he is a writer, he is attentive, gentle, a good listener… everything you could want really.’

‘So, he has no faults?’ Carolyn played with the stem of her wine glass.

‘Obviously he has faults… he’s a man,’ Helen said. ‘But they are not serious ones. He can be a bit quiet at times, and he has a tendency to shout at the telly a bit too often.’

‘He sounds too good to be true.’ Carolyn tried hard to not be too sceptical about it; after all it was early days.

‘No,’ Helen said. ‘He is very good for me. He’s even suggested that he writes all my dialogue for me.’

‘What?’

‘Well, you know how I’ve always had a habit of gabbling on a bit, mostly about nothing in particular?’

‘Mmmm.’

‘Well, Jeff says he can cure that for me. All I have to do is let him write my dialogue for me.’

Carolyn looked around at the rest of the bar. It was quiet before the evening rush. ‘Do you mean…? Even now?’

‘Oh, yes.’ Helen smiled ‘Good isn’t it?’

‘Where is he?’

‘Omniscient narrator. It’s ok, you won’t see him, but he is there… here.’

‘All that stuff about being a great lover… that was him putting dialogue in your mouth wasn’t it?’

‘Yes.’

‘So it isn’t true?’

‘Oh, yes it is…. Anyway, I think he was just trying to impress you.’

‘Why?’

‘Because he fancies you, obviously.’

‘Really? Me?’

‘Yes, of course. He’s been in love with you ever since he created you.’