The No First Use of the Banjo Treaty

There were times when some of us even began to consider the use of the tambourine. Fortunately the crisis was over long before such a deployment became necessary. Even so, there was talk of reneging on our signing of the No First Use of the Banjo Treaty signed all those years ago when it seemed that a war of mutually-assured destruction involving banjos, ukuleles, even accordions or the dread bagpipes was almost inevitable.

Of course, those were different times when competing ideologies vied with each other for control of the world. Nowadays, instead, we have reality television and the alleged doings of celebrities to keep the populations of our countries from paying too much attention to what the political leaders - and the real rulers of the planet - are getting up to.

After all, what is a mere lifetime of pointless wage-slavery compared to the chance of finding out what some talentless bimbo in the last seconds of her fifteen minutes of fame doesn't wear under her skirt when she goes out at night? Such things would have undoubtedly changed the minds, and therefore the theories, of so many of the great philosophers of the past, if only – in their day – they had access to hundreds of up-the-skirt shots of so many young - and sometimes slightly more attractive than average - young women.