The Disuse of Hats

At the time it seemed as though none of our hats would be suitable. Over the preceding decades - for reasons historians still had fistfights over in the car parks of this once great nation – people had, more or less, stopped wearing hats. However, this was not the case with the penguins, for they still found hats very useful , or at least, so they claimed.

You, though, had your deerstalker, but the less said about those kinds of rather dubious endeavours the better, especially as his antlers often got caught in the hedges when he was trying to observe you from a safe distance, especially when you were out in your garden, stark naked and dead-heading your petunias.

I, of course, had my trusty bowler hat, but the bowler kept demanding it back, so I thought some other titfer would be more appropriate, if not more becoming. I have often thought about a flat cap, but those are not the sort of imaginings one would like to share with other people, especially not with the number of trainee nurses and the excessive amount of baby oil such imaginings necessarily entail.

All in all then, one would have to say that, no matter how straightforward and simple it seems on the surface, such a decision about what hat would be appropriate, therefore turns out to be not that simple at all. Perhaps that then is the reason for the hat to so suddenly fall out of fashion, and if any historian wishes to question my reasoning and conclusions then I will be in the car park... waiting.