The Unauthorised Use of a Banjo

Okay, so we know why we are here, and – I see – you have brought the banjo, just in case. That is despite the fact that we have warned you about the new EU-wide Health and Safety directive that outlaws the unauthorised use of a banjo (or other similar resonating stringed instrument) within a 12-mile radius of any gathering of two or more people, or more than seven mute swans.

Now, to many people, especially the French (for obvious historical reasons), such banjo-related precautions are seen as necessary, if not vital. However, there seems to be little in the way of parity in this law, as – for example – both the Germans and the French have blocked similar laws outlawing the unauthorised use of an accordion in a built up area. This is despite those countries, including the UK, who feel that such legislation is vital, especially with the number of accordion-wielding gangs now roaming our inner-city streets.

Now, although it is possible to get a banjo permit in most places within the EU, many people – especially in the UK – feel it is a direct infringement of their historical liberties to have to do so when going about what they regard as their historical right to annoy the shit out of people with a ‘musical’ instrument. Some are also concerned that the legislation could be extended, say in Scotland to outlaw the unauthorised use of the bagpipes during the hours of darkness. This does seem to be a more than valid concern and one that many of us feel we should be vigilant against. However, such is the nature of the EU that in cases like this such concerns end up being ignored, and the legislation introduced anyway, regardless of he feelings of sometimes even the majority of EU residents.