The King Of The Spanners

But hold!

Breathe….

Now relax… and put the Brussels sprouts down approximately seventeen and fourteen sixty-sevenths of an inch to the left of the ice-cream salesman.

Good, now let us go play hopscotch on the ring road my little slide rule and I will tell you the story of the protractors that danced until Dawn. Although what Dawn did to stop them, she never did say, although all of us in the post office queue were of the opinion it had a lot to do with Rosie’s fingers.

Across the seas and long ago, there lived a spanner, not just an ordinary spanner this spanner was the king of the Spanners, known to all and sundry as King Nigel the Imperial, however, some of his subjects were metric and so they revolted against the Imperialist tyranny. King Nigel and all his fellow imperial spanners were put to death, smelted down, and turned into metric nuts for the metric spanners to sport with in a manner too crude and explicit for a forum such as this.

So, let that be a lesson for you. Now, hold my adjustable wrench while I rub Swarfega into the naked thighs of this leather-clad teaching assistant.