The Contrivances - A History (Part One)

I thought that today we would look at the almost interesting history of The Contrivances that is unless you can think of something more interesting.

Part One - The Ancients

Some archaeologists claim that the ancient Egyptians had hand-cranked ducks either pushed or pulled - the hieroglyphic evidence is unclear - by sometimes many hundreds of slaves, but this is disputed by others who claim that the duck moved of its own accord while the slaves stood around just watching - a popular entertainment of the time, I'm led to believe.

However, no serious prehistoric expert (or even any expert on prehistoric times) gives any credibility to the theory that Stonehenge* and other such constructions were used to harvest the power of the sun, or so-called 'ley-lines', for a sort of stone-age solar-powered weasel. Ironically, the ultra-modern solar-powered weasel would appear to be some form of very powerful and incomprehensible magic to those actual denizens of the Stone Age who had to make do with napped-flint powered chickens and crude wooden pedals to drive their dormice.

Of course, up until fairly recently (about 2:47 PM yesterday) it was thought that the earliest recorded Contrivance in this country was the famous water-wheel driven vole featured in the bottom left corner of the Bayeux Tapestry, just to the right of the entrails from the partially disembowelled Saxon lying nearby. The recent archaeological finds alluded to above, have now shown that in fact there were Contrivances in this country well before the Norman invasion - contrary to what contemporary sources like the Domesday book, or (as it was known at the time - Big William Ye Bastarde's Pop-Up Book of Hyse Newe Kyngdome), and so on claimed.

However, the period from the Norman invasion through the medieval period up to the Tudor period will be covered in more detail in Part Two**.

 

*Of course, it has now been proved beyond all reasonable doubt by the eminent archaeologist, cocaine-addict and fashion model, Waif Stickinsect, that Stonehenge is all that remains of what was originally a stone-age multi-story car park capable of providing parking spaces for upwards of 137 cars.

**You never know there might even be a Part Two someday - although, I doubt it.