Fashion World Rocked By Scandal

Perambulation Stickinsect, the famous catwalk supermodel, who once outraged the fashion world by eating three whole peas for lunch one day, yesterday caused even more controversy throughout the designer fashion industry when she claimed ‘Well, fashion… it’s all a bit silly, really, isn’t it?’

It is rumoured that when she made the statement at the influential Paris Posh Gladrags and Expensive Handbags 2009 show, several fashion designers fainted and one had to be given the kiss of life by his distraught boyfriend.

‘B… bu… but… fashion, it is the centre of the universe. Where would we be without it?’ one newspaper fashion columnist helplessly wittered while being given emergency chilled Champagne through an intravenous drip.

‘How would the proles know what to wear without us telling them?’ said Gloopy Membranes, partner of the fashion style guru team of Membranes and Vesttootight, while her business partner, Tranny Vesttootight underwent a vital face-saving Botox injection to counter the damage caused to her face by the shock.

Venal Chestwig, one of the world’s (in her own mind) leading fashion designers called for an immediate statement from the United Nations Security Council reaffirming the central role that high fashion ought to be playing in people’s lives. ‘We cannot rest’ she exclaimed tearfully, ‘while there are still starving women in Africa – probably dying of AIDS, or some other really fashionable disease – who have never owned a designer handbag. We cannot stand by and allow such a thing to happen in this day and age. It is every woman’s right, especially those too poor to feed their children, to buy more shoes than they could possibly ever wear in one lifetime.’

Meanwhile, after receiving several threats of being forced to eat a proper meal, Stickinsect is believed to have gone into hiding, fearing the damage a proper meal could do to her career.

However, a fashion model friend of Stickinsect’s, Waif Knottedstring, said ‘She only took 32 suitcases of clothes and 350 pairs of shoes when she dashed off. So we are expecting her back in a day or two.’

A long-time feminist critic of the fashion industry, Harpi Braindrain, said, later, ‘Don’t worry about it, the people in the fashion industry have the attention span of a lobotomised gnat – they’d have to really. Otherwise, having to care about the constant changing of what is in and – more importantly – out of fashion, would drive them even madder than they already are. Someone is bound to show them a shiny new handbag in a day or two, and then they’ll forget everything Stickinsect said.’