Get A Grip

With the recent rapid increase in the number of self-aggrandising people and groups finding more and more things 'offensive', Lambda Stoatwinkle, the famous celebrity goat-impersonator, has decided to form her own counter-group called Get A Grip (GAG).

'GAG,' she explained, while drinking a cup of fashionable ice-cold Badger Widdle tea at London's trendy Animal Urine Café, 'is here to take to task all these groups that have help create this whole pathetic grievance industry. People who - it seems - cannot let a book, play, TV programme, advert, film, cartoon, junk food carton, or even piece of fresh fruit or vegetable go by without finding something 'offensive' about it. Even if that whole 'offence' is only some minor slight to their own over-inflated sense of self-importance and serves as little more than a way of increasing their standing in the victimhood hierarchy.'

'GAG', Stoatwinkle continued, 'wants to put a stop to all this nonsense by calling on all these groups to Get A Grip! Rather than getting any sympathy for their plight - real, or more often, imagined - all this constant claiming of outrage just makes them look like self-pitying whiners and sore losers who demand that the rules be changed to only suit them. Although, while this does make them feel even more justified, as it - in their own eyes - increases their sense of persecution and victimhood, in the long run all it does is make things worse for the very people these groups purport to represent. All we in GAG want them to do is to Get A Grip, and to realise that this constant obsessing over triviality - in the end - only ends up trivialising them.'