Co-incidence? I think not

Is all of this all a bit too co-incidental?

First, Tony Blair becomes a Catholic, while Peter Mandelson is ennobled and returns to the government. Now we find that ‘the scrapping of the ban on heirs to the throne marrying Roman Catholics was also discussed’ in a palace meeting between the PM and the Palace.

Also, Prince William should be getting married soon – so now there is no reason at all why he should marry a catholic, and now, with same-sex couples allowed to form civil partnerships, there is no reason why Prince William and Tony Blair, the world’s most eligible and famous Catholic, should not marry*.

Now, after William and Tony do get married, events start to get very interesting. Just consider, as the current Queen and the next in line to the throne, Charles, are both Colonels in chief of various regiments – and therefore (theoretically) have access to weapons of mass destruction then surely, the government will have to heed Princess Tony’s call for regime change.

Once the Queen and Prince Charles have been deposed and found guilty, and sentenced to death for treason against themselves, then it will only be a matter of time before Brown’s government, responsible both for the severity of the UK’s credit crunch and yet another unpopular war, this time a civil war against Britain’s own monarchy, falls.

A distraught, grieving, Prince William, and a resolute Princess Tony can then call for the abolition of ’this traitorous government, led by the evil dictator Brown and his cronies’ and call for a return to absolute monarchy in loving memory of William’s father and much-lamented grandmother.

A grateful nation rejoices.

Then, a few days later Gordon and Ed balls are found, one morning, hanging from lampposts near Downing Street.

In an attempt to bring the fractured nation together in a display of national unity Prince William and Queen Tony are then crowned in a sumptuous Westminster Abbey coronation. There are flags and parties in streets throughout the UK.

Then, suddenly, only a few weeks later Prince William dies in a mysterious helicopter crash. ‘He was the people’s King,’ a seemingly distraught Queen Tony gushes through his tears. ‘And as a mark of respect for King William’s memory, I will now myself become King Tony, instead of Queen Tony, as he would have wanted.’

Then after the statutory six months of mourning King Tony announces that he will marry Lord Mandelson and they will rule the UK together as absolute monarchs. Then everyone lives happily ever after**

*Except Cherie, of course, but… if the compensation fee were large enough to interest her, who can say?

**Or else***

***well the friends and hangers-on of King Tony and Queen Peter do live happily ever after, anyway, as for the rest of us… well, who really gives a shit?