Even then it is not always immediately obvious that the forces of government surveillance have secreted a spy submarine in your bathroom, until the tell-tale protrusion appears above the foam of your bubble bath.
Although, such is the suspicious and paranoid nature of modern life, it will often be the case that your bath partner will remain unconvinced by your explanation of the sudden emergence of such a protuberance underneath the flannel.
Anyway, by then of course, the spy submariners will have realised that they are on the brink of exposure and will have made good their escape, leaving you with only a few seconds to come up with a credible substitute for the submarine, or to be taken for a conspiracy-obsessed fool.
Still, there are many subsequent courses of action that can be taken at such a juncture to convince her otherwise, some of which employ either the use of the aforementioned flannel or the bubble bath. Not only that, there are some more advanced gambits which use both, and sometimes – if you are very lucky – the loofah as well.
Subsequent events, especially if they do indeed entail any vigorous use of the loofah are beyond the scope of this article. However, the fact remains that these government-sponsored spy submarines are invading our bathrooms seemingly at will, and yet there has been little or no comment on this matter by the various self-appointed guardians of our illusory freedoms. Normally such self-important loudmouths are the first to complain whenever they feel the government of the day has overstepped the mark, which – of course – must make everyone wonder just how deep does this bath-time conspiracy go?
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