It is a truth universally acknowledged that any man carrying a mallard duck in an inverted dustbin lid doesn’t usually need to engage in conversation, especially any discourse about why he is so engaged with the aforesaid wildfowl.
So, if you don’t mind, I will be going about my – and, of course, the duck’s – business without anyone here attempting to distract me – or the duck – from what we are about to do.
After all, even in this day and age of social media and everyone tweeting, texting and Arsebooking themselves into everyone else’s life, there is still room for a certain amount of privacy for man… and duck.
Sometimes, there are things – and for those with that sort of mind, I don’t mean in that way – where a man, either with or without an accompanying mallard duck, and whatever mode of transport he is using to convey that duck (should there be one), should be free to continue to their mutual destination without having his progress blocked by someone attempting to engage him in conversation when it should be obvious that it is not suitable time for such a dalliance, and – furthermore – he would be much obliged if the aforesaid interlocutor would just piss off out of the way as mallard ducks are – surprisingly – much heavier than they look.
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