Seeing that there was nowhere else to put it, I gave it to her, strictly on the understanding that no zebras were to be harmed should she consider taking it out of the bag.
As you probably know, however, there are – at the moment – no recoded incidents of a wild zebra being assaulted by a Northumbrian part-time lottery ticket sales assistant wielding a golf club, which she removed from the golf bag expressly for that purpose. However, statistics are funny things and we wouldn’t want her hanging around the zebra enclosure at her nearest zoo with a golf club just at the time when the cosmic forces that create such unusual statistical anomalies are building up in the area.
After all, no-one around here expected a wild badger to win a seat in the local council election, but when it came down to a choice between candidates from the main political parties and a wild animal sauntering past the school hall used as the polling station on election night, most people knew where they were going to put their cross.
So, there you have it, and here we are all looking forward to having the local services provided by the council run properly for the first time in living memory.
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