‘Right, you sit over there and pretend to be a teapot and I will sit here and undertake my (nearly) world-renowned imitation of a cruet set. That way when the wild animals come down to the watering hole at dusk they will just think someone has set the table for a late tea.’
That is an example of the skill of the top naturalists and wildlife cameramen currently helping make our TV schedules into something slightly less that a celebrity-infested do-it-yourself course combined with a village talent(less) show. Consequently, we all feel we should all do our best to pretend to be interested in their doings, despite the fact that every animal in the world has – by now – had every event, significant or otherwise of its life-cycle investigated and detailed on film.
For, by now, even the most half-arsed and desultory TV viewer must know more about the tiger than any victim of a man-eater, including what a tiger looks like from the inside. It seems we all know everything about every animal: right down to what a Thompson’s gazelle puts on its shopping list, what kind of sofa a heron prefers to perch on and the favourite TV programmes of dormice. This includes what previous generations of naturalists made up to make the animals seem more interesting, which, after you’ve seen your twelfth programme on the life-cycle of the stick insect, means you can begin to understand and have some sympathy for the TV nature programme-makers and their trade.
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