The Biscuit Tin Event Horizon

Earlier today, physicists announced they made some startling discoveries over the recent Christmas period, which have thrown some light upon what up to now as been regarded as one of the fundamental problems in physics. Scientists at the University of Little Frigging (formerly the cowshed) claim they have discovered proof of the theoretical concept known as the Biscuit Tin Event Horizon. Theoretical physics postulates this as the point in the time and space continuum where the force emanating from a biscuit tin (or similar food container) becomes too strong for any passing body to resist.

It is a well-known physical phenomenon that whenever there is a food container in the near vicinity it becomes almost impossible to resist the force that pulls the body towards that container until the lid is prised off and the contents of the container accessed.

Scientist have also discovered that the amount of biscuits taken from the biscuit tin in order for the body to achieve an escape velocity which enables them to break free of the biscuit tin’s force field is dependant upon the mass of that body. The greater the boy’s mass the more biscuits are needed to convert into energy in order to escape back beyond the biscuit tin event horizon. This mass is calculated in pies, the greater the body’ pie index the more biscuits or similar foodstuffs it need to convert into energy in order to escape.