A Crucial Role in Stepladder Development

Obelisk Doldrums is often regarded these days as little more than a footnote to the enthralling history of stepladders, but there was a time when he was much more famous, and surprisingly enough, not for his crucial role in stepladder development.

Doldrums started out as a music hall wardrobe impersonator, thrilling sell-out music hall crowds with some of the most highly regarded wardrobe impersonations in the then very popular field of furniture impersonation. While not quite as famous as the footstool impersonator 'Titch' Malevolence, Doldrums was at least Titch's equal at conveying a well-polished surface, purely through the use of facial expressions and economical and precise hand gestures.

Of course, film and later TV brought about a decline in the music halls. Unfortunately, though, furniture impersonation did not translate to the silver screen, especially in the silent era when the all-important furniture noises such as squeaky hinges did not translate well to the screen despite the well-telegraphed use of the knee. There was a brief revival in double, and – especially bunk-bed – impersonation in the early years of the talkies, but the sound quality was never quite up to task of successfully recreating the all-important squeak of the bedsprings, especially on the ever popular 'Wedding night' skit that Headboard Wellsprung made his own.

However, what really bought about the rapid decline in wardrobe impersonation was the adoption by the film industry of wide screens, which did little for anyone attempting to impersonate something tall and relatively narrow such as a wardrobe. On the other hand dressing table and sideboard impersonation flourished in the new wide-screen environment. In fact it was a short film of sideboard impersonator 'Fatty' Malodourant that introduced a certain Norma Jean Baker to cinema audiences, before going on to change her name to Marilyn Munroe.

Consequently, as the furniture impersonation work dried up, Doldrums turned more and more to his other great love: stepladders. After 17 years of research, Obelisk Doldrums made the great breakthrough that earned him his place in stepladder history when he realised that a third step on the stepladder could easily replace the hedgehog shelf that had traditionally been placed there. Doldrums realised, in a sudden flash of inspiration, that very few people needed a shelf on which to place their hedgehog when mounting a set of stepladders, and therefore that tricky big step over the integrated hedgehog shelf could be omitted if that shelf was replaced with another step. Thus was history made.