Over-Boisterous Philosophizing and its Dangers

When first approaching the donkey from the northeast always remember to keep any necessary philosophising down to an acceptable noise-level, especially during the hours of darkness or on a weekend.

Obviously, to most of us such a local council by-law is completely unnecessary, as we all know the dangers of over-boisterous philosophizing when in the presence of any equine, especially of a nervous or belligerent disposition. This is mainly because anyone over a certain level of educational attainment will be familiar with what happened when Schopenhauer over zealously instigated a paradox in the presence of a shire horse back in Berlin in 1821, resulting in severe damage to his sauerkraut.

However, such is the dire state of educational achievement in the UK these days, it seems that several local councils have had to introduce such by-laws concerning over-loud philosophising to prevent undue distress to horses, donkeys and sometimes even cows and sheep in more rural areas. In Wolverhampton the council has also had to introduce by-laws to prevent some of its more superstitious and credulous residents from being frightened by any sudden exclamatory philosophising, or other such unwarranted speculation, in the Town centre shopping areas during the normal hours of business. Which was bought about not long after one pensioner collapsed when confronted by someone declaiming Descartes’ famous dictum just outside boots the Chemist on a Tuesday morning.

In some cases, it has been found necessary for some of the UK’s police forces to set up Regional Anti-Philosophical Excesses Squads. This enables rapid response anti-philosophy units to be on the scene of any over zealous philosophising in a matter of minutes, especially if there is a danger of the possible over-use of Nietzsche, or unlicensed Kant declamation, especially in near proximity to a field of horses.

To those that claim this is in any way a curtailment of the British citizenry’s historical right to free speech, a spokesman for the Metropolitan police replied:

Listen to me, sonny, We know where you live… understand what I’m saying? Now mind how you go, and make sure you steer clear of any Plato anywhere near some ponies on your way home, right?