Elderberry Stains on the Wainscoting

So, anyway, what will happen to all the teacakes now that we no longer have the special attachment for our rotary sanders and the small grommet that attaches to the underside of the mute swan has now been replaced by a snap-on plastic retaining lug that has a tendency to leave elderberry stains all along the wainscoting?

Of course, should the dining room table become a candidate for the forthcoming by-election, it will become incumbent on us all gathered here today to make sure that the candelabra is not caught standing on the dinning room table by any tabloid photographers searching for scandalous tittle-tattle, especially when we know only too well what happened to the jelly babies and that other MP from the neighbouring constituency who was photographed by a tabloid reporter leaving the shop with a bag full of jelly babies, apparently with no thought at all about any of his 'disadvantaged' constituents that could not afford their own bags of jelly babies, especially after having to spend all their benefits on new giant flat-screen TVs and Sky subscriptions. At least, though, they do not have to worry unduly about the elderberry stains on the wainscoting. That is until the EU or some such body decides that the lack of a mute swan is yet another indicator of relative poverty and calls for measure to bring the disadvantaged into line with the rest of the population by getting them all at least one swan each, regardless of the cost to the long-suffering tax payer.