Alien Invasion Thwarted

Well, anyway. I suppose this is the bit where we have to acknowledge the state of the biscuit tin and admit that yes, we may bear some (but not all) the responsibility for the fact that it was discovered without its lid out on the ring road.

Normally, of course, there would be a straightforward explanation for just how this unfortunate state of affairs came about. An explanation possibly involving a ‘side’ of Morris dancers, an eggcup, several ladies of both a certain age and an easier than average virtue, several bottles of a rather cheeky little red and a common all-consuming interest in the erotic possibilities of the road atlas.

However, in this case no such easy and straightforward explanation is possible. Such is the nature of alien visitations, I’m afraid, especially those where the incumbents of the interplanetary machine find themselves umpteen light-years away from where they call home, and suddenly out of biscuits.

Ask yourself what else could be done. After all no-one wants to go down in history, no matter how short and brutal it subsequently turns out to be, as the one who brought about the extinction of the human race. Especially if it does turn out to be short and brutal by alienating some civilisation from some distant corner of the universe far in advance of our own into some violent over-reaction caused by their desperate need of biscuits in order to continue their vital mission to explore the universe, boldly go and so forth. After all, we’ve all seen the films and we know how easily irritated into planetary destruction and the eradication of the human race these alien beings can be.

All in all, then, the loss of a few biscuits does pale somewhat into insignificance in such cases. So anyone too concerned about the complete planet-wide absence of chocolate digestives, Rich tea and those pink wafer things would be best advised to keep their concerns to themselves, and to bear in mind the propensity of alien beings to seemingly engage in anal probings at the drop of a space helmet.

The complete loss of the biscuit tin lid out on the ring road, however, is a completely different matter and will be taken up by the highest authorities on the planet, once we are sure the aliens have left our solar system.