HullKingston Pysse-Basetard who died last week at the age of 103 was the last of the once-noble Pysse-Basetard family who came across from Normandy with William the Bastard in 1066. Motorcade Pysse-Basetard was Duke William’s most trusted courtier. He was usually charged with carrying the Duke’s shopping list. He also had the honour of being one of the two loyal noblemen charged with standing either side of their Duke whenever he used a public urinal.
The Duke of Normandy commended Motorcade Pysse-Basetard for his loyal and brave service at the battle of Hastings. The Duke also praised him for not running away or soiling his chain mail at first sight of the Anglo-Saxon beards facing them on Senlac Hill. Consequently, William the Conqueror awarded the Pysse-Basetard family, in perpetuity, a wide swathe of what is now Shropshire.
However, it is his conflicts with English rebels, resisting the Norman invasion that Pysse-Basetard is best remembered, especially the now infamous Battle of Tesco car park, just outside the now-historic town of Ludlow. It was there that Pysse-Basetard ended any hope of the English removing the Norman conquerors. The battle is still commemorated each year by a local re-enactment society. They stage a recreation of the famous last stand at the checkouts by Edward Hugebeard and his followers as they fought to the last man against overwhelming Norman odds. Heavily outnumbered, the Normans forced the English to forgo several two for the price of one offers as the English warriors were unable reach the special offer shelves through the massed ranks of Norman men-at-arms.
Therefore they had no choice but to flee the aisle leaving behind their battle shopping trolleys. Some of which contained the vital supplies of ale that fuelled the Saxon fighter, without this essential beer the English army had no choice but to give up and flee the battlefield.
Although, they lost many men that day a few survivors did manage to return home, some in time for Match of the Day. Thus, the survivors turned what could have been a massive disaster into a tale that could be told to the credulous for many a year to come, or at least until the next war with the Scottish was due.
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