On the Road

Still, as they say you can’t push a stalled Jaguar up a hill, although, to be fair this does tend to apply to most of the big cats, tigers in particular, who – as many naturalists will attest have a noticeable antipathy to any perceived incline.

Furthermore, you can’t always get a gazelle started in the cold weather, especially if it is a bit damp and chimpanzees have a tendency to conk out in the rain.

Many zoologists would also make the point – often very strenuously, whilst backing away out of range – that it is very unwise to attempt a three-point-turn will a gorilla, especially the dominant silverback.

However, giant tortoises are excellent for the older driver, especially those who feel no highway experience is valid without a flat cap and driving gloves.

However, as Curly, Shaggy and Tiny Tim demonstrated last week on Top Beast, the cornering of the kangaroo leaves much to be desired, especially on some far-flung out-of the way winding road in some country no-one without a TV film budget, with a hefty integral expense account will consider visiting.

All-in-all then, it is probably best to stick with standard domestic livestock for normal day-to-day travel, preferably a jersey cow, as these tend to have more optional extras when compared to the basic Friesian. For the wannabe boy racers, of course, there are plenty of breeds of domesticated pigs, from the hot miniatures right through to the swill-guzzling road hogs, for them to choose from.