The Blue Llama Period

Sometimes it all seems so worthless, at least as far as the llamas are concerned. Although, eventually you do get used to the looks of disdain from the llamas as you watch them taking it in turns to roller-skate past your pagoda and make noises of disapproval at your latest ‘artistic’ venture. Bitterly, you remember the times when your artistic ability was unquestioned and the sheer brilliance with which you placed primary-coloured eggcups at the cardinal points of the compass on a piece of semi-masticated cardboard was acclaimed by all. An artwork often regarded as the greatest stroke of artistic genius since Leonardo told Mona Lisa to stop being such a miserable cow and try to smile a bit.

Now, though – since the incident involving the llama and the tin of Magnolia emulsion - you have become the centre of an intense amount of llama-based protest and concentrated scrutiny by those selfsame mammals. Llamas – as we all know only too well – have always been rather careful of their portrayal especially in critically-acclaimed artworks. After all, famously, it was his botched attempt to paint a pair of llamas in moonlight that led to Van Gogh’s depression and the argument with a llama-obsessed young lady that led to his ear-related incident. Not only that, Bruegel once became the centre of a llama protest when he attempted to portray a llama as a familiar of the devil that delighted in inserting red-hot pokers in the fundaments of disgraced clergymen. As for Picasso and his famous Blue Llama period, the antagonism towards the painter by a mob of llamas protesting outside his studio forced the artist to flee the country, taking with him only seven of his current mistresses and two paintbrushes.

All this means you should take to heart – whenever you wish to portray llamas in an artistic medium - this warning from history.