The Toyshop Incident

Then there were the pomegranates. Not normally known as one of the more offensive weapons, that is true. But, in the right hands, they can be quite effective. She, of course, was more than adept at wielding fruit in an offensive capacity, though. In fact, she was capable of using almost anything as a weapon, up to and including a fluffy teddy bear.

However, that last incident, known even today only as The Toyshop Incident is still covered by the Official Secrets Act. There has, of course, been speculation about the incident. This includes three non-fiction books, two feature films, several TV documentaries, countless newspaper and magazine articles, a computer game and an oil painting. Yet, no one beyond those involved in The Toyshop Incident – those that survived anyway, can dare speak of precisely what happened. Although, one of the agents of a foreign power said to have some involvement in the incident still bears several tell-tale Lego brick scars on his chest. This alleged foreign secret agent was photographed on a beach in an undercover operation by a TV journalist, Hackwork Easydosh, who since died in mysterious circumstances under an avalanche of Barbie dolls in the Russian steppes. An area not normally associated with avalanches and especially not avalanches of Barbie dolls.

As for the incident with the pomegranates, all that can be said, without fear of repercussion, is that agents from a hostile foreign power will think twice about visiting the vegetable aisle of a British supermarket with hostile intent in future. It is through the dedication of this agent and those like her who must remain nameless that we Britons can shop safely in our supermarkets never once doubting that our cauliflowers are safe from hostile foreign machinations. For that we should always be grateful.