The Dating Game

Well, as you know, people do not often utilise these items in such a fashion. At least, they do not on a first date and not in a small room with the curtains drawn whilst a choir sings a medley of late 1970s disco hits.

At least, not around these parts.

However, use of the egg-whisk on first dates, if only as a conversation piece, is a growing phenomenon. One the traditional media, in their increasing desperate bid to stay relevant, has latched onto in the hope of creating a lucrative moral panic. Consequently, there have been many lurid ‘investigative’ stories in the tabloids about so-called ‘egg-whisk parties. Events where – the tabloids claim – several teenagers of both sexes gather in small becurtained rooms, after having a whip-round to hire the choir, of course, and frankly display their own egg-whisks, often to members of the opposite sex.

There have also been stories in some of the more easily excitable tabloids about the shock and horror of children as young as 11 engaging in these practices. The tabloids claim that sometimes youngsters send explicit egg-whisk wielding pictures to one another on their mobile phones and social network sites. Contacted by these tabloids, the social media websites such as ArseBook, Twatchat, kNeeTremblr and Uninterest have all claimed they remove any overly-explicit pictures of egg-whisks whenever they come across them.

Of course, this has enabled those politicians who like to get on the media as often as they can – in the forlorn home that the public will take any interest in them – to set up campaigns to ban these activities. The campaigners hope to make egg-whisks only available to consenting adults in strictly licensed ‘Kitchen Clubs’. They claim these strictly licensed clubs will ensure the whisks are only used in to prepare egg-based recipes and not for what one MP called ‘ulterior purposes.’

Most ordinary people though expect the whole thing to blow over in a few weeks. Something soon forgotten alongside all the other shock and horrors on the media’s growing list of moral panics that were long over before they ever really began.