Advertising Age

It was not what anyone expected, despite the intensive advertising campaign that had first irritated, then annoyed, then got on the tits of almost everyone in the country. Its constant repetition of an ear-bleedingly insidious jingle allied with the use of a cute cartoon character made it ubiquitous. Allying that with a catchphrase that had already spread out into everyday general discourse in – possibly – made it unavoidable in the most annoying way possible. It soon became impossible even to discuss the weather without some humourless tit shoehorning the catchphrase into the conversation in the forlorn hope of people taking it as witty, thus making them – in turn - hip to the zeitgeist.

Wars have started over less.

Still, though, despite the seeming ubiquity of the catchphrase and the way it was appearing all over the place, not much happened. Despite the cartoon character’s alleged endearing qualities and the advert winning all the awards they entered it for, the company behind the product still did not see any improvement in their market share. In fact, in-depth analysis of the figures revealed a loss of sales. The more the advert was shown, the more stuffed toys of their trade mark cartoon figure they sold, the more the catchphrase was discussed by dictionary compilers and professors of English on late-night news programmes, the less product was shifted.

All of which left the company with two options: they could either give up on the campaign, realising they were driving everyone in the country mad with this prolonged assault on everyone’s senses. Or, they could – as the increasingly desperate advertising agency implored, increase the intensity of the campaign and – thus – get even more attention. The latter would, the advertising agency decreed, eventually lead to more sales, if not total world-domination.

Of course, we all know what happened and why. After intense public lobbying, demonstrations and a change of government, action was taken. The new Prime Minister announced the introduction of the death penalty for anyone uttering the catchphrase, humming or whistling the jingle or found in the possession of one of the character fluffy toys.

Everyone agreed it was for the best.