A Journal of the Plague Years

Still, I suppose it could be worse. After all, there are very few of them still around these days. Occasionally, you hear reports of a Labour one hiding out in an inner city, or a Tory one hunted down by hounds after living wild in the woods, but mostly these days the plague of politicians is at an end.

It started slowly like all things do, with only a few politicians here and there around the country, all easily manageable and containable in council buildings and the Houses of Parliament. Then, though, they started spreading. A new strain of politician emerged through the EU; with its open borders allowing politicians, infected with virulent continental strains of politics, into our communities, thereby spreading the disease and infecting more and more people.

There was a time in the 1980s when a virulent form of Left-Wingery took hold, infecting mainly those young enough to have not been inoculated against politics by time and disillusion. The outbreak causing those it infected to spout such idiocies as ‘everything is politics’, striking fear in the hearts of normal people everywhere who all know almost nothing ‘is politics’ and that if something does becomes polluted by politics, then the politics can easily be eradicated with disinfectant and strong bleach.

Soon, though, people began to see politics for the illness it is, and the first culls began, along with a country-wide immunisation plan where those suspected of having any unhealthy contact with the political virus were given doses of reality in order to strengthen their weakened natural immunity.

Still, though, despite all the advances in our understanding of the disease of politics, it does keep spreading. The problem seems to be that politics, especially in its more extreme Left-Wing and Right-Wing mutations, does seem incredibly virulent, considering that anyone who becomes infected soon looses all ability to act rationally, or engage in normal life, without descending into political name-calling and petty point-scoring with anyone that infected person comes into contact with.

With such high contagion rates, and the political virus’s growing resistance to increasingly high doses of reality, it has often been thought that isolation and quarantine is the only way to control the spread of the disease and stop the spread of the zombie-like plague of political-opinion espousers from running rampage through our world.

However, no matter how much we barricade ourselves behind our front doors, or pretend to be out, when the political-infected take to the streets at election time, there seems to be a steady increase on the amount of politics we are subjected to, and little chance of any of us escaping falling victim to it soon.

Therefore, if at any time you start to feel yourself beginning to agree with a politician, or start thinking that it may be a good idea for you to join a political party, please make sure you visit your doctor as soon as possible for a check-up before it is too late and the rest of us - one day - discover ourselves being implored to vote for you.