After a tense final, live on TV, Quick-Juan Ristoff an amateur from Luton, won the coveted MasterBate 2010 title, with one of the judges Hugh Sless-Tosser, claiming, ’wanking doesn’t get much better than this!’
Both judges, Hugh Sless-Tosser, and celebrity wanker Ivor Biggun, both singled out Quick-Juan Ristoff’s cum face as ‘like a slow-motion film of someone making their first attempt to speak Latvian whilst hitting upwards of 4g in a centrifuge used for astronaut training, while, at the same time, a team of blind untrained technicians attempt to insert a full-scale replica of Captain Cook’s sailing ship, Endeavour, into him from behind without the use of any lubricant.’
The three finalists had all survived a series of increasingly difficult masturbation challenges, such as wanking in the desert (as well as the show’s traditional tasks of wanking into a dessert in one of the preliminary rounds), wanking at the top of a bell tower of a medieval church, having a quick one of the wrist in the queue at a busy supermarket on the day before Christmas Eve, a sly hand down the front of the trousers at a Buckingham Palace Garden Party and so on.
The final round consisted of a live wank-off between the three finalists in front of former Page 3 model and celebrity slapper, Minge Décolletage, who awarded points for wrist action, stance and most imaginative use of the watermelon.
The winner of the contest, Quick-Juan Ristoff, took home the famous MasturBate trophy as well as wining a all-expenses paid full one year residency at one of London’s top private Artificial Insemination Clinics.
After winning the award, Quick-Juan Ristoff said, ‘I hope this award leads to bigger and better things, and that in future I become even more of a wanker than I am now.’
As judge, Hugh Sless-Tosser said of the victor: ‘He has the wrist action of a natural-born wanker, and I should know as I’m one of the biggest tossers on TV.’
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