Hence the Castanets

So, there we were, posed upon the very cusp of the edge of the start of the beginning of the commencement. She, of course, had the bag of grouting mix all ready, as well as the flippers and a rather fetching pair of... castanets. I, it goes without saying, had the grouting trowel and the balaclava. Although, for various other reasons, the salad spinner was unavailable.

At a certain age and at a certain point in a relationship... well, in other people's relationships, of course, sometimes there is a need for something a bit new. Or at least a bit different.

So both of us were glad...er...slightly interested when we received a copy of a How to Do the Sex Properly manual as a Christmas gift. The wife was very impressed by the male model in the copious illustrations. Although, I was puzzled by the lack of a TV remote in his hands and his use of the domestic furniture for purposes other that watching the footy. However, I did – rather grudgingly – have to admire him somewhat for attempting the various activities and positions illustrated whilst, at least, looking sober.

The woman in the illustrations however was another thing entirely. Even so, every time I glanced at her, however, fleeting, the wife pointed out which parts of her were – obviously – another thing, usually silicone-based. I was also made to agree that the female was heavily photo-shopped. The wife did – eventually – have to agree that the photographic studio where the male model was disporting himself must be much, much warmer than our rather chilly house.

However, the text of the book, obviously machine translated. Apparently going through at least three other languages before arriving in the near vicinity of something almost totally unlike English. This made deciphering it more than a little problematic, something which the illustrations tended to obscure rather than clarify.

Hence the castanets.

[Books by David Hadley are available here (UK) or here (US).]