Not One of the World's Foremost Uses of the Mandolin

Still, it was not one of the world's foremost uses of the mandolin. Even if she did manage to express her artistic side in a manner regarded as most creative, especially by the jury of her peers as well as the investigating officers. However, as the judge himself was a self-confessed music lover, he felt he could not overlook the damage to the mandolin, despite agreeing with her that: 'they had it coming'.

After all, as he so wisely said, in court the day after her representatives met him in the underground car park and handed over a well-stuffed plain brown envelope, 'provocation is provocation.' and looking at someone 'in that way' whilst they are holding even something not usually considered as an offensive weapon, such as the aforesaid mandolin, is asking for trouble.

Especially if that mandolin-wielder is feeling a bit tetchy at the time.

Consequently, the presiding judge withdrew to his chambers to study the evidence she'd presented in her defence. This evidence consisted mainly in the form of a website where she offers professional services – with or without the mandolin – for all manner of specialised needs. Afterwards, the judge confirmed that – indeed – there were some doubts as to the validity of the prosecution's evidence and the defendants all looked like 'wrong 'uns'.

Therefore, as the case collapsed, the judge said she could go free without a blemish on her character.

Six months later, though, a tabloid newspaper published photographs of both she and the judge sharing an intimate moment in a beachside café in an exclusive Caribbean resort. Later the judge dismissed this as a mere coincidence, despite the evidence proving that he had undertaken an intensive mandolin-appreciation course in the weeks preceding this holiday.

Eventually, the authorities forced the judge to resign, but he did it with a smile on his face and clutching a brand-new mandolin. A mandolin presented to him as a parting gift by fellow members of the judiciary, several of whom subsequently have expressed an interest in taking up the mandolin themselves in the near future.