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Friday, January 11, 2013

It Came Out of the Sky

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It came out of the sky like a great tumbling avalanche that threatened to engulf the whole world, spreading chaos and destruction for miles around.

Oh, the humanity!

There was paprika everywhere.

Quickly, I closed the cupboard again before any more could fall out.

Such is the lot of every human, except – it seems – for those who live in that strange part of Media-land where their cupboards are never over-full and they live lives of calm and contented domestic containment where nothing falls out of cupboards, nothing is too big too fit in that cupboard and there are no teenagers and young adults who all seem to suffer a medical condition that prevents them from lifting anything back into a cupboard, except when the box or container is almost empty. In which case it is put back in the cupboard with too little in it for anyone to use again, until – many decades later – it is found at the back of the cupboard for everyone to marvel over how the packaging has changed since then and whether the contents of the container would be interesting enough for it to be worthwhile contacting a 24-hour emergency call-out exiobologist, especially when the last one we called out was eaten by that thing we discovered in the fridge a fortnight ago.

Anyway, such is the nature of Cupboard Space, that there is always never quite enough room for everything you want to put into a cupboard, but it never seems to contain whatever it was you were looking for – especially the paprika which is now spread all over the floor, while your pedigree Labrador is now – mostly - bright orange, rather than golden.

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