The Bargain of a Lifetime

It was not one of those things. For a start, it was a little too purple around the one flange and the grommets were all metric and not the traditional imperial that has been used to make the authentic those things since time immemorial, or at least since the invention of colour TV and the beginnings of BBC2.

Still, though, it was one of the better of those things that are cunningly-wrought imitations of those things (original version), apart from the fact that the serial number was expressed as an irrational number and the lid had a habit of working loose, especially on tight corners, or when used in the presence of defrocked clergy.

Once, though, it had been used in an attempt to break the World Standing Next to a Stockbroker Record (currently at 33 days, 5 hours and 17 minutes exactly) by a team of Norwegian amateurs and so - almost inevitably – some of the crimping had worked loose when the savage stockbroker had gone rogue and bitten the knees of both Norwegian contestants before it was cornered in the Oslo stock-exchange and put out of our misery by specially-trained Norwegian police sharpshooters.

However, one of the sniper's bullets ricocheted and put a slight dent in the leading edge but that could easily be re-tuned and painted over and no-one would be the wiser.

So, if you've ever wanted one of those things, but have been put off either by the cost of purchase or the annual stabling fees, now is your chance to put in a bid on what could so easily turn out to be the bargain of a lifetime.