So, anyway, there she was, using the Cheese and Onion crisps to keep the rampaging Caravan Site Managers at bay.
As Field-Marshall Doddering-Oldpillock said later that afternoon, 'Johnny Caravan-Site-Manager cannot abide having cold crisps thrust at him. They don't like it up 'em!'
I suppose he should know. The mess is rife with rumours and tales as to just what things, living and non-living, animate and inanimate, that Doddering-Oldpillock has himself been up at one time or another during his long and rather undistinguished military career. However, he wouldn't rank as high as he does in this country's armed services if he didn't almost embody that self-confident incompetence and deluded belief in his own superior abilities that denotes the officer class.
Anyway, so there she was, Sergeant Delores Polestraddler, fighting the Caravan Site Managers off with her single packet of Cheese and Onion crisps. Contrary to popular belief, and some rather dubious propaganda perpetrated by the MOD, the Caravan Site Manager is not a naïve unsophisticated fighter. They do have rather good tactical awareness, even during the heat of battle. Consequently, they soon began to outflank Sergeant Polestraddler, and despite the heavy casualties she inflicted in her brave rearguard action, soon overwhelmed her.
Rather than doing the honourable thing and saving her last Cheese and Onion crisp for herself, sergeant Polestraddler instead bravely chose to use it to take down two of the leading Caravan Site Managers in the revolt. Moments after that she was captured alive by a horde of Caravan Site Managers hungry for revenge, if not for any more Cheese and Onion crisps.
Word from the International Red Cross is not good. They have confirmed that the Caravan Site Managers have imprisoned the brave Sergeant Polestraddler in a caravan site near Bridlington, where they have vowed to cruelly and vindictively incarcerate her for a FULL out of season two-week break.
All we - who also serve - can do is salute her bravery and hope she somehow comes though this trauma alive and well.
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