Climate Protestors At The Houses Of Parliament

Last night a bunch of smugly self-righteous attention seekers climbed up to the roof of the Houses Of Parliament in London in order to draw the media’s attention to themselves as they arsed about to no discernable purpose whilst pretending their stunt was in some way meaningful to anyone but themselves.

The attention seekers – from the ‘environmental’ protest group Greenprats claimed their attention-seeking behaviour was a protest at the amount of climate damage that would be caused once the Houses Of Parliament reopened and allowed MPs to begin submitting their summer expense claims.

Greenprats has long contended that climate change is mainly caused by people constantly talking utter bollocks all the time, and that - consequently - Parliament’s reopening after the summer recess is going to massively increase the amount of bollocks spoken in the House.

A Press release handed out (on rather ineptly recycled toilet paper) to journalists by the protestors states:

Talking bollocks has been nearly proved to be a major contributor to the greenhouse gasses that are going to destroy the world, and we should know, we’ve been talking bollocks about the environment now for decades and it can be no coincidence that the amount of carbon in the atmosphere has increased considerably since the many organisations like our own have been spouting bollocks about the environment.

A spokeschick for the organisation Greenprats, interviewed on TV, later stated:

Of course, we don’t really care all that much about what the science does or doesn’t say about climate change. We just get our jollies by trying to scare people that the world is going to end soon. You can’t believe how good such self-justification feels. It’s much better than sex, especially sex with this bunch of lentil-chewing neo-hippies who can’t get down and dirty without 3 hours of angst beforehand on whether getting an erection will increase their carbon footprint or not. Although, having said that pulling a stunt like this, just to get themselves on the telly, is usually the sort of thing that really gets them exited. I’ll bet that most of those up there on the roof have already come in their pants at least once since the TV cameras showed up.