Well, once. But that was only because I was cleaning it - washing it - and it… sort of… went off in my hand. I don't usually…. Well, y'know, I suppose not more than… ooh, well… once an hour. Oh, all right, twice an hour… at least. That is, until it gets too sore.
I suppose you think…?
Well, I suppose we all have to think occasionally. No matter how little we like to do it. I mean - to be honest - would they have invented television otherwise? Still, as they say - 'There's many a donkey in a field full of donkeys on donkey audit day at the Donkey Festival'.
However, at least I'm normal. I'm not one of those perverts who wears a suit and tie. I mean, dressing up like that in public. It's no wonder people point and stare. I mean, well, it's not normal, is it? I suppose if you work in a bank, or something equally sordid, but not a normal job, not a real job.
Me? Well, I like to wear raspberries, in the summer especially. Well, at least I did until the problem with the wasps on the top deck of the bus. Although, I did keep the ticket, as a sort of memento. After all, it is not often you are offered so many Maltesers by complete strangers.
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