"I didn't ever really want that much, but I thought I deserved more than this."
Deserved is a funny word, though. I doubt if any of us deserve anything that happens to us like that. The world does not give us any deserving reward or punishment. What we get is as much a matter of chance as it is of anything else.
Being good or being bad doesn't really seem to matter in that sense. Sometimes the baddies get what makes some sort of justice look good and sometimes they don't.
It is as much a matter of chance as anything else. There are no great rewards for any of us, not any more. There is no-one, no god-like entity, out there dispensing justice. There is no-one out there to reward the good and punish the bad.