As everyone is now aware the existence of the entire universe depends on the quantum fluctuations in the whims of the universe’s kittens. This explains why the strings in string theory often end up in such a quantum entanglement. At least until the kittens go to sleep. Or start chasing a few fundamental particles under the subatomic furniture.
As physicists announced only a few weeks ago, the hunt for the missing dark matter in the universe is now over. They recently found most of the dark matter in the universe underneath the universal fridge where the cosmic kittens lost most of it.
Some physicists are now confident that the rest of the missing dark matter is under the furniture in the cosmic living room. However, some of the more sceptical physicists expect to find more dark matter under the wardrobe in the bedrooms out near the edge of the known universe.
As for why so many black holes exist in the universe, most physicists and astronomers point to the lack of litter trays out in the observable universe and suggest the kittens do need somewhere to go. As we all know, cats do like to dig holes for this purpose. This latest addition to Kitten Theory has subsequently put off many physicists who once claimed we could use black holes as a form of fast - or even instantaneous - travel between parts of the universe. They now say - in the light of this new evidence – such a journey could become somewhat uncomfortable, but may be tenable if people remember to always wipe their feet on leaving the destination black hole.
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